Marriage truly is an incredible blessing from God and can bring many times of happiness, joy and companionship. However for those of us who are married we also realize that marriage is hard and requires a lot of hard work, commitment and dedication in order to keep your marriage strong. There are too many out there today that simply give up because they don’t have the will to fight for the blessing that God has given them. For most it is much easier to walk away and forget about it than it is to fight for their spouse and marriage. The truth of the matter is that God hates divorce, He never intended for divorce to be an option. Today I would like to share with you 5 tips that can help not only save your marriage, but can help make it better than it has ever been before.
5 Tips to a Great Christian Marriage
1. God Must Remain Number One
In order for your marriage to succeed you need to make sure that God is at the center of both your individual lives as well as your marriage. The reason why this is so crucial is because by nature we are sinful and sin produces fruits (actions, thoughts, mindsets) that can single-handedly destroy a marriage before you know it. Without God as the center of your lives and marriage your will easily fall prey to jealousy, selfishness, greed, anger, discord, and strife.
When we choose however; to give our marriage and lives to God wholeheartedly He is able to help us and we begin to become more like Christ which produces fruits (love, peace, patience, self-control) that will cause a marriage to flourish and become the full blessing it was meant to be. This means spending time in the Word of God daily by yourself as well as spending time in prayer and devotion with your wife or husband as well.
2. Know Each Others Love Language
Let’s face it we are all have different likes and dislikes, and we all have a different way that we feel loved and show our love. Very often you can do so much for your spouse whether in actions or words and still they may not feel fully appreciated or loved. It is not that they are hard to please, or that they are stubborn, but it is because you may not be loving them according to their “love language”. Basically a love language is the way that a person likes to show and the way they feel love the most. There are 5 categories which I go through in detail in The 5 Love Languages Explained.
Once you know your spouse’s love language you will have the information you need in order to make them feel the most loved by you. This can be hard for most people at first because if your spouse has a different love language than you , it will not feel natural or comfortable loving them with that love language but with time and persistence you can really turn your marriage around and start living a happier married life.
3. Marriage is NOT About You
What many of us tend to forget is that marriage is not about us, it was never suppose to be about us or our desires. In fact in order to have a happy and successful marriage that will stay strong no matter what comes your way stop trying to fulfill your own desires and think about what you can get out of your marriage and start thinking about how you can bless your spouse and how you can make them feel loved and appreciated.
This may seem a bit strange to some, but think about it, if you and your spouse spent your time thinking about how you could please, bless and love each other then both of you would be able to get your desires met and you would be able to strengthen your marriage and feel loved and appreciated.
4. Communication is Key
This is more for the guy’s here but good communication between you and your spouse is absolutely essential for the success of your marriage. Communication does not mean half listening and nodding while you watch the game or play video games or whatever else may be fighting for your attention. The communication I am referring to is the kind where you and your spouse are sitting down facing each other with no distractions and engaging in intimate conversation.
The reason why this is important is because women place a lot of emphasis on the relationship part of the marriage. They love to communicate with you because it is a time of bonding and getting closer to you on an emotional level. It is during these times where women often open up and share from their hearts and you really get to know each other on a more intimate level.
5. Do Not Withhold Sexual Relations
While not always this more often tends to be something that women struggle with and can really be detrimental to your marriage. It is almost a socially accepted fact that when your spouse messes up he is in the dog house of no sexual contact for a certain period of time. This may seem fair because of what “they did” but the truth of the matter is that your spouse still has needs and if you are not there to meet them, after awhile they may begin to look for other ways to get their needs met. In the Word of God it tells us just this in 1 Corinthians 7:5 -
“Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
In a marriage the bedroom should be a “safety zone” where both you and your spouse can feel safe to express yourselves. All disagreements should be dealt with outside the bedroom you should make sure that you work things out before going to bed. Going to bed angry with one another can cause this anger to stew and become stronger. Again the Word of God tells us this in Ephesians 4:26 -
“Be angry, and do not sin:do not let the sun go down on your wrath,nor give place to the devil”
These are just a few tips that when put into practice are guaranteed to turn a deteriorating, unhappy marriage into the happy and incredible blessing it was meant to be. If your marriage is really struggling and you would like to turn your marriage around I would recommend reading the books listed below. They are an incredible resource that will help you greatly.
|Sacred Marriage: What if God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy
By Gary Thomas / Zondervan
The title expresses a radical thought for today’s marriages! Chapter by chapter, discover how marriage works to develop Christlike character – forgiveness, love, respect, perseverance – in each of you. This book will enrich your marriage in unexpected ways. A Focus on the Family recommendation.
|His Needs, Her Needs–Revised and Expanded
By Willard F. Harley, Jr. / Revell
It’s no surprise; men and women have radically different priorities! In this updated edition of His Needs, Her Needs, Dr. Harley offers new insights into the intimate emotional needs of husbands and wives to help you “affair-proof” your marriage. Learn how to sustain romance, love more creatively and sensitively, deepen your awareness of each other year after year, and overcome marital conflicts. Hardcover.