One of the the steps every couple should do before they get married is to find out each others love languages. This of course can be done after marriage as well but it will help a whole lot more before.
What is a love language?
A love language is basically how a person communicates and feels love. There are 5 different love languages that exist and everybody will have a different set of love languages that they speak. These love languages include:
1. Acts of Service
3. Physical Touch
4. Quality Time Together
5. Words of Affirmation
Speaking your own love language will come naturally to you but the key to making your spouse feel happy and loved is to speak their love language, which can often times be quite a challenge especially if it is one that is very low on your list. If you would like to you can take the love language assesment. I will be going through each of the love languages to give you an idea of what they are.
Acts of Service
This love language is mainly centered around doing services for your spouse. These can include things like washing the dishes, doing laundry, making the bed, picking up the kids, or other service based actions. People who speak this language will often feel that laziness, or the refusal of wanting to help them out or do anything for them leaves them feeling unloved and unappreciated which can really put a hindrance on the success and happiness of your marriage.
It is very important not to misunderstand this particular love language. It does not indicate materialism, because it is more about the thoughtfulness behind the particular gift than the gift itself. People who speak this love language feel loved and appreciated when they find out that they are prized and worthy enough for somebody to go through the trouble and sacrifice needed to bring them a gift. These individuals look very highly on the “gesture of kindness” shown and makes them feel noticed and that their hard work is appreciated.
Examples of gifts could be something simple like a heartfelt card, flowers, favorite chocolate bar, jewelery, or a book. It is a good idea that if you are married to a person with this love language that you take notice of things they like or talk about and make a gift idea list that you can refer to or use.
Right off the bat I’ll tell you that this does not always mean sex or sexual type touching. People who speak this love language enjoy things like hugging, holding hands, snuggling, back rub, soft touches to the face and other types of touches like this. Physical touches to people who speak this love language can show excitement, concern, love, tenderness, and care.
If this is your primary language then thoughtful physical touches that show you are the focus instead of the part of the body being touched speaks volumes to you about your spouse’s love for you. Even the smallest of touches like a shoulder pat or a small kiss on the way out of the house can be the difference between feeling loved and feeling neglected.
Quality time for those who speak this love language means that you feel the most loved by our spouse when you are near them or hanging out together. This doesn’t mean watching television together or riding in the car, or other time with each other where there are distractions. Quality Time to this type of person means getting your full undivided attention, and talking with them, connecting on an emotional level, and showing them that in that time together they are the most important person in the room.
This for some will be difficult but there are some things to remember when spending quality time together.
- Maintain eye contact
- Don’t interrupt and listen intently
- Respond with thoughtful encouraging words
- Don’t allow distractions or take your attention off of your spouse
Words of Affirmation
For people who fall into this category of love language actions often do not speak louder than words. Often an out of the blue compliment or saying “I love you” can mean the world. Compliments and encouraging words are seen as appreciation for things we have done or are doing and it helps greatly to let you know how much your spouse cares about you.
It is important to note that people who speak this love language hang on nearly every word that comes from someones mouth especially their spouse, and so any kind of negative words or insults can be devastating to people speaking this love language.
Learning your spouse’s love language will help you to better understand and show love towards your spouse. This can greatly help to impr0ve your relationships and can help to heal neglect and wounds caused by not showing the love that is best accepted and felt by your spouse. I would strongly recommend taking the love languages test up above, it could be the one thing you’re missing from making your marriage more fun and enjoyable.